Mental Health — we all have it, and now we should all strive to be more open and vulnerable about it.
TheraPieces* is a Slice of Culture monthly column by Mendez, who has a Master of Social Work degree in clinical/medical social work.
This Men’s Mental Health Month, I thought it would be ideal and fit to discuss the concept of toxic masculinity and what defines masculinity as a whole.
I’m sure the phrases growing up—if you were around boys or had brothers—you’ve probably heard, “Man up!” or “Be a man,” which can place unnecessary pressure upon men acting a certain way and are poorly set up excuses for boys to grow up shaming themselves for showing emotions or feelings in adulthood.
You probably have also heard that “crying is a sign of weakness or softness for men,” which also contributes to the toxic beliefs of masculinity as a whole.
Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive term used to describe an inaccurate, negative aspect of manhood and exaggerated masculine traits, such as aggression, status, violences and sex. It was influenced and created by societal expectations and cultural norms for what a man should and is supposed to be like.
Many male individuals feel pressured to conform because of these cultural and societal beliefs, which can bring lasting damaging effects on men’s wellbeing, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and suicidal tendancies.
Cultural and societal norms have made it very clear about what men should do and how to act.
There are a lot of expectations boys and men both have about how to behave, without even realizing it. For example, society has designated males to be the main providers of the family, however, this doesn’t always have to be the case. Because a male isn’t the main provider of their family, this does not mean they are not “man enough” or incapable of connecting with their masculinity in any way. Meaning, it doesn’t make them any less of a man than they already are.
Another example could be around the clothes they wear or how they present themselves. If men don’t adhere to a certain way of dressing, then society questions the “male status” and deems them as unfit. Real masculinity is about men having no fear or shame when showing emotions, and being comfortable and confident in their own skin, no matter the style they take on or how they dress. These are just two main examples, but there are various other ways society teaches men how to think, behave and act, besides “being tough and holding things in” that can eventually be detrimental to one’s mental wellbeing.
Jarek Talda, a real estate entrepreneur, mental health advocate and author, took the time to speak with Slice of Culture on his thoughts and experiences with: toxic masculinity, high expectations of men and how the stigma carried a burden on his own mental health.
In his book, “Not Enoughness: The Blessing and The Curse,” Talda mentions how he suffered from his own battles with depression and suicidal ideations for years because of the stigma behind toxic masculinity, lack of ability to be vulnerable and the stereotype that men cannot cry or show their true emotions.
“We are all humans, and we all have emotional responses…it doesn’t make us weaker” he told Slice of Culture. “We both carry masculine and feminine energies, and if you are able to embody both, there is nothing wrong with that.”
When asked about ways to challenge the stigma and create spaces and communities for men to feel comfortable expressing emotions and vulnerability, he mentioned that his book is one way to help.
“That’s the reason for this book, because of the importance of spreading awareness,” he states. “The second we become vulnerable, that’s where the gates open for help.”
“I thought I was the only one. There was a voice inside me saying I am the only one, until I shared it to my friend and that’s when I realized I’m not.”
Talda explained that he was able to find solidarity with his mental health issues by opening up to others, joining communities and safe spaces and going to therapy.
“Some of us are hiding it better than others, but we cannot lie to ourselves, the voice will always be there. Finding a safe space and community to share these things are most important.”
Jarek Talda
You can find access to Talda’s book “Not Enoughness” linked on his Instagram page as well as on Amazon.
The “Chill Guy” meme has gone viral on social media, with one TikTok user explaining how it represents men’s mental health.
If you are someone struggling with mental health issues because of unhealthy societal stereotypes, it’s okay to not be okay and know that you are not alone. It’s okay to embrace and cultivate self-love, self-care, and healing past negative beliefs towards our own masculine and feminine energies. As we continue to learn this through our own healing journeys, we allow ourselves to hold space for healthy boundaries and regulating one’s self that makes masculinity and our mind right.
As Talda explained, we should begin to talk and teach men growing up that relieving the burden of these heavy expectations, finding emotional relief, and feeling content with being themselves and who they are are all okay.
“It’s a journey. It’s an amazing journey and, it’s an infinite game. It will never stop… we gotta love ourselves and the more we love ourselves, then we can receive the love. Because if there is emptiness and there is insecurities and all this stuff, and we don’t know how to love ourselves, and then we don’t know how to love others,” he added.
“The second this opens up, and when you understand the life happened from inside out, not from outside in, the love is pouring and it’s like, and then you just fill your bucket. And the more you give, the more you receive.”
If you want a specific topic related to mental health covered, Daniella Mendez may be reached at dmendez@athenapsych.com.
