Therapieces: Unpacking The Mind Around FOMO, What Your Anxiety Is Actually Saying

Graphic by Adrienne J. Romero / SOC Images.

Mental Health — we all have it, and now we should all strive to be more open and vulnerable about it. 

TheraPieces* is a Slice of Culture column by Mendez, who is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in clinical mental health and has a Master of Social Work degree from Columbia University.

In our online-platform driven world, we are constantly viewing the positive experiences and milestones of everyone’s lives. 

With more achievements, life experiences and goals coming to light, we are constantly hearing or seeing posts about living life to the fullest and making the most of it while we are alive. But then there’s this feeling of worry, pressured by time (and perhaps money) to do something more. 

You’ve probably heard of the acronym FOMO, or the fear of missing out. It can range from minimal FOMO to extreme FOMO, but the latter isn’t always manageable and can lead to more concerns.

What Is FOMO Exactly?

By definition, FOMO is the anxiety or fear that you are not doing enough and/or others are experiencing rewarding and exciting events in your absence. 

It usually doesn’t have to be anything we see through social media, it can also be an activity,  event, outing or post we hear about from friends, family or close peers. Studies have shown that social media has led to heightened feelings of FOMO at a faster rate, as posts can be instant, have higher amounts of engagement,and linked to a stronger level of attachment as it is something we can view anytime at our will. 

The psychological impact of FOMO leads to symptoms of:

• Stress
• Anxiety
• Restlessness
• Low-self-esteem
• Feelings of loneliness
• Isolation 

It brings a constant comparison to what we are currently doing in our lives versus others.  Other psychosocial stressors that can induce FOMO would be: society, culture and the environment. Their influence can amplify the pressures of FOMO, making individuals—especially those most sensitive to social validation—more vulnerable to negative emotions. If left unchecked, this can contribute to worsening symptoms of depression.

FOMO makes us feel as if we haven’t met our full true potential.  

But believe it or not, this feeling is normal and comes from our human nature to feel envious or compare ourselves to others. 

You’re Not The Only One With FOMO!

These feelings can be deeply rooted into how much we care to be involved, the need to belong, and connecting with other individuals.  A study in 2017 suggests that “experiencing FOMO is a negative emotional state resulting from unmet social relatedness needs, according to Cleveland Clinic – Health Essentials. 

Overcommitting oneself to different activities, tasks, events or opportunities are usually done in order to avoid FOMO. 

Some other behavioral effects may be “doom scrolling” at night on a social media platform, disrupting sleep or struggling to set appropriate boundaries with loved ones, work colleagues or even online life. 

The reality is, human beings are naturally steered to foster meaningful relationships and life changing experiences, but it doesn’t always require having to overcommit to something just because we aren’t experiencing it at that moment in time. 

Individuals who are most vulnerable and affected by FOMO are teens and young adults due to the societal, cultural, environmental or social pressures, especially social media. Another study in 2017 known as “Social Media Use and Perceived Social Isolation Among Young Adults in the U.S.,” showed that individuals with high social media usage (SMU) felt “more socially isolated than their counterparts with lower SMU.”

Essentially, we are all missing out if we think about it, as not everyone can do absolutely everything all at once that there is to do in this world. 

At the end of the day, FOMO is just linked to us wanting to live our lives authentically and fundamentally, surrounded by our most precious and loved ones. 

Here’s how you can practice healthy coping strategies to manage feeling and overcome FOMO anxiety:

1. Practice JOMO more (Joy of Missing Out) – which is a reframing technique to actually appreciate what you’re doing with your time because it is necessary and essential (such as seeking rest as valuable to one’s health and longevity). 
2. Check in with yourself – Through the use of mindfulness and grounding techniques to recognize FOMO, how it manifests itself mentally or physically, and allowing self-compassion to understanding the triggers of the fear
3. Minimize social media use (or curate your social media platform to only see specific and wanted posts) – to avoid any triggers of FOMO that may lead to unhealthy comparison or envy
4. Acceptance and Gratitude – acknowledge that FOMO is a part of life, and to practice being more grateful with the experiences life has brought you while also appreciating the ability of building and creating the life you want in your own way
5. Seek professional help from a mental health professional if FOMO is impacting you excessively with overwhelm and anxiety associated with the fear of missing out

Life will always be filled with opportunities and special moments to pursue and grow ourselves, but FOMO does not need to control our ability to make decisions with our lives. 

As we self-reflect on the feeling of FOMO, ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I genuinely want to for the sake of my happiness or because I fear missing out on this experience?”

If you want a specific topic related to mental health covered, Daniella Mendez may be reached at [email protected].